Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Another Mother's Day

The last few years, Bill has started the pre-Mother's Day conversation with "Soooo I let Mother's Day sneak up on me..." which means no plans have been made yet for the big day.

In my early years of motherhood, I did have an expectation of my husband doing something extra special for me. I DID carry a child in my body for 9 months (ahem, 3 times!) after all and even though some women manage to perform this same seemingly impossible feat while drinking, smoking, doing drugs and eating poorly while still managing to have a healthy, beautiful child, I still feel that I've accomplished something amazing - 3 times!

After having Holden, I really did feel like Bill owed me something. I thought, "Geez, his part was easy!" ... if you know what I mean. But then I had the challenge and privilege of growing that child for 9 months, birthing him and then caring for him 24 hours a day with little sleep or guidance from the magical parent fairy who was supposed to tell me about all of the little things I never imagined would keep me up at night (the crying, breastfeeding, the explosive pooping, the worrying if he was breathing) once I was 100% responsible for this precious little thing without even a one second break.

That first Mother's Day, Bill bought me a nice purse and watch and I felt I deserved it. It made me feel special and loved and was a nice pat on the back for a job well done.

After the first one, I still expected a little something and Bill followed through. And then one year, I know I told Bill I didn't care if he got me anything, but like so many women do and no one understands, I still wanted him to get me something. And expected him to read my mind. Which, let's face it, he is NOT good at.

This year, I said the words out loud. "Honey you really don't have to get me anything this year."

And you know what? I mean it. Bill may not have given birth to our 3 children, but he's done enough in their lifetime to prove that the role he played was just as important and deserving of appreciation. He really is an amazing father. He doesn't owe me anything. I just want to enjoy our kids with him every day for as long as possible.

This Mother's Day, I don't NEED a present. My kids are old enough now that they know what the day means, and if they want to have Dad buy me something or make something, it will mean a lot to me, of course. It's nice to be appreciated. It's sweet to receive gifts or flowers from the father of your children. But it means even more if they tell you throughout the year that they appreciate you.

When my husband tells me he feels lucky to have me as his wife and that I'm a good Mom on a regular Sunday in November or a Wednesday in February, I really feel like that is more than enough.

We're square.

And P.S. No, we still didn't buy a new bed! Ugh....